are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
