I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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