apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
