I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize