Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We just shotgunned beers for America
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
