If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize