i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
