He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
