all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We got so high we made milksteak
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
