I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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