please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
