I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Are we still banned from the library?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
