He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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