By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Less talking, more tequila
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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