TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
