ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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