it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Randomize
