Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize