Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Terrible idea I love it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
