FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
