He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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