I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
