I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
