Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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