this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
