Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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