is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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