So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
