there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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