Sry I called you an 8
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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