and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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