oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
