Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
