dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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