i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
