I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
