Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
