I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
