I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
third nipple confirmed
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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