Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(254): View more from Texas

When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery

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(714): View more from California

they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.

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(214): View more from Texas

Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.

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(480): View more from Arizona

he seriously made his penis a facebook.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.

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(813): View more from Florida

Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?

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