yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
