My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
