the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize