Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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