Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
