tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
