You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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