why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
