I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
