your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
