Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just had sex bonerless
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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