if you like me you must not know who I am
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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