Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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