East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
