Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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