just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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