I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
