apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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