If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
