Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
