I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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