I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
