Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
