You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Your cock deserves a montage
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
