I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
