so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
