dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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