After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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