I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
