Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
