Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
