Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
