The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
