I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
