drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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