So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Randomize
