Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
