I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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