I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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