im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
