I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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