Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
