I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
