Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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