sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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