The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
