She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize