so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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