Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
