I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Green mimosas i think yes
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
