I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize