I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
