i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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