Is it normal to miss your booty call?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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