I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
