you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
