when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You took a bar mat shot.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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